I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
