I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
