just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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