You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
