I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sober January is a disaster.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just had sex on a roof
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
