i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
