this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
