Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
