I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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