The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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