you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
