took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
