i think my tv is drunk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
