I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
