one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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