I just threw up on my dentist
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
