What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
