he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
