I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
