I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
