You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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