she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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