I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
