i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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