i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
