No stitches, just platelets and will power
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
