Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
