farters have to be the big spoon...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
