My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
