I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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