he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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