i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
