honey bunches of taint.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
