I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
