idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
