I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
