I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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