I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
