the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
