I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
