If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't turn off my feet"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
