i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
