dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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