I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
