I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
