I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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