Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
