What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
