I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
