I think I am morally bankrupt
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
