there's paper in my vomit.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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